Little Sister

I wonder what the conversion rate is for envy to love

You learned to go about your life independent 

Of our mother’s watchful eye

So much so that you 

take space

make messes

blare music

leave doors wide open

What right did I have to try to contain air anyway?

Worry about no one because no one worried about you

I would be angrier 

At you and your unapologetic temerity

If I hadn’t also been taught that jealousy 

Doesn’t do my face any favors

So I just close the door

Wash the dish

Sweep the floor

But sometimes, when I’m alone in my car

I turn the music up so loud it rattles loose 

The knot in my chest

Mom’s first gift to her eldest daughter